her house has a mildew smell, the couches are stained with food,throwup, juices, soda etc......the carpet is stained with shoe polish and food. the dining table has dried up food on it that has been sitting on it for months alomost a year. There's clothes all over the floor, clothes soaked in the bathroom sink, the whole house is unacceptable.
Her husband is in the military and tells her he has to work late or that he can't come home because the base is locked down and he talks crap about her all the time behind her back saying that he sneaks out clubbing and dancing with all these girls, he says that his wife has no life and she needs to do something instead of sitting in the house all day. They have a one year old baby and she says that she doesn't clean because the baby makes her tired. all of this makes me feel bad and I want to help her there is no reason for her to be that filthy.
My friend is a housewife and she doesn't clean her house at all....what can i do to help her?
It sounds as though your friend has post-partum depression...and is also married to a jerk. She needs more help than you can give her; get some help for them from the Military. If this is reported to his commanding officer...believe me...it will get cleaned UP!
Reply:Well when I lived on base the wives club would get together for all kinds of things...Why not form a group to go over and help clean up. It would go by faster if you had like five or six people and then one can babysit and she can go out to a salon for a few hours. Maybe she just doesn't respect herself because she doesn't feel like she is worth it. How about showing her she is.
Reply:That is really gross and sad. She might be depressed or she's just plain lazy. Try scheduling a clean-up day. My best friend was having the same problem only she had a newborn and she also worked full-time. I told her that I'd come over anyday to help her clean house and I did. It was super gross but hey, it kept her sane and the baby was in a nicer, cleaner enviroment.
Reply:It is not your responsibilty to take care of your friend. It is your responsibity to take care of yourself. But if you want to help her then this is what I would do. She needs a job. Most woman who sit at home all day are sad. Because they have nothing to do and they are not motivated by anything. So start by walking and getting out. Then once you start moving she will feel better. Everyone feels horrible if they are sitting around the house doing nothing. Getting moving... LIfe will better. If you are not sick then you have no reason to not being doing something with your life. Life is short and so or later your time will be up and you will say hey what did I do with my life.. Tell her that. Tell her to get her butt moving.. Be a motivator in a positive way...
Reply:She sounds depressed to me, try and talk her into seeing a doctor, you could help her around the house. My best friend and I have cleaning parties because I love a clean house and she is busy with three kids so I come over and we clean and have cocktails.
Reply:You are a good friend. It sounds like she is depressed, perhaps suffering from post partum. My suggestion to you is that you go to your local market and buy her some Saint John's Wort, (you should find it on any vitamin isle) and have her start taking the maximum dosage everyday. Soon she will hopefully have more energy and more focus on the important stuff. It sounds to me like you are her only support system, and I am sorry that for her that her husband does not take care of her, good thing she has a good friend like you. Saint Johns Wort is a herbal remedy for things like depression, anxiety etc. If that does not work try to get her into some counseling and let her know that you are going to be with her through it all, sometimes it good just to hear a friend say it!
Reply:she may b depressed or she may just b dirty -u cant help her she has 2 help herself u could clean up 4 her but u will b disapointed b/c it wont b long b4 its in the same condition again its just how she lives however if she is depressed she may need a gentle push towards some counselling which will help her get her act 2gether - good luck
Reply:Ok...it's time for the gym to rebuild her energy and get her talking with a counselor. Start getting all your friends together and having weekly discussions from organizing your homes to talking and exchanging food recipes and talking about relationship problems and call it women helping women. Join together and lift each other up and ask for everyone to participate in helping this woman organize and clean her house. The group can stay behind her and teach that everything has a place or it gets thrown in the trash. Maybe this will help everyone to stand behind each fellow sister in emotional and physical support to find solutions for a problem and taking a vote on how to respond in making it better. Your friend needs help before she loses her marriage if it isn't to late already. Good luck sweetie.
Reply:Well, i thought I was a lousy housewife until i read this, it shows there's always someone worse off than you, doesn't it?
I can sympathise with her being tired, god knows I was always exhausted when my children were babies, but even so i managed to clean up a bit.
If her husband wants her to have a life, why doesn't he take her out? What does he expect her to do, when she has a small baby? Even though he works, he could help her to clean up a bit, encourage her to do more etc. If he was a bit more positive she might feel like doing more.
It sounds like maybe they need some kind of help, marraige counseling or something? To have a house that is dirty to that extent seems to me to go beyond mere reluctance to do housework (which I totally sympathise with) and into the realms of being an actual health risk. And the husband's attituded of callous indifference to his wife is very disturbing.
And to the person who says she should get a job, may i ask, pray what he thinks she should do with the baby while she is working? Looking after a child IS a job, as this person would know if he had ever tried it.
Reply:I think she is in a rut. I think the best way to get her out of that rut is to get her getting up and getting dressed up and getting her out of the house. I don't know your schedule or how much time you have to devote to her, but I seriously have been in this situation before...everyone will be quick to jump in and say she is just being lazy sitting on her @ss all day...but many times in situations that you have described...that is not completely the case or isn't the case at all. She might even be going through a form of depression...If you have the time...go over there, make her get dressed and do her hair nice and put makeup on, even if it is to run to walmart. Convince her it is important to get up and get dressed everyday even if no one sees her. Lots of times if you are in your sweats or jammies all day...you don't have much energy to do things. Sometimes just getting dressed and doing your makeup make you feel better about yourself and gives you energy to do things around the house. I know this worked for me...i didn't have anyone to help me do this, i just realised one day that whever i get up and get dressed to go somewhere, i tend to be more active and get more stuff done around my house. If you really think her issue is just being tired because of the baby you could offer to watch the baby for a couple hours so she can try to get caught up on sleep or doing stuff around the house...but that is only putting a bandaid on a huge boo boo...maybe try to get her interested in doing cheap and easy redecorating in the house so she has some pride in it when it is clean and looks good.
Reply:She has to live in the same mess, I don't see her complaining Tell her to hire a housekeeper. Have the bill go to her husband.
Reply:It sounds like depression in a serious way. Possibly even post partem depression. If you can, get her to a doctor. If you can't support her, tell she is risking the health of her child. If she is a dearly close friend, you will even threaten her with consequences. If she is not a dear friend, tell her you can't hang around because it disgusts you.
Reply:be a loyal an honest friend. support her by being positive. Tell her what she's doing right even if you really have to stretch!
Reply:It sounds like she has post partum depression and needs help. CPS needs to get involved. CALL SOMEONE!
The husband needs to know that HE is just as responsible for cleaning as she is- CPS will charge them BOTH%26gt;
Reply:call Child Protective Services--it is not healthy for a child to be living in such filth and disgust--and maybe she needs some psychological help for herself--she sounds extremely depressed--
Reply:Help her clean its a dirty job but someone needs to be there for her thats what friends are for right?
Reply:Sounds like severe depression. She needs mental health help. The base will have that, encourage her to get treatment. Not easy to admit, but sometimes people need a friend to urge them on. If she won't try to talk to the husband about her mental health. Maybe with meds she can get better.
Reply:dont go to her house
Reply:buy her a pig nose and a bolt on curly tail
Reply:maybe try to get a house cleaner? because then while she watches the baby the house cleaner can clean the house and everything
Reply:if you helped her clean, why didnt you wipe up the dried up food thats been on the table for a year? I think you just want to come in here and drag her name through the mud, you dont feel bad for her, you just want to hear us say mean things about her. It sounds like she has the life you dream of, she has a husband and a baby and you are probably jealous and single. Its probably not as bad as you make it sound, you are a hater!
Reply:ewwwwwwww now that is just nasty!
I would not do anything, I just would not go over there. When she asked why I would tell her I was afraid of the 20 pound rats that she must have due to her filthy house. That might just get her to stop and think about it.
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