Is this like totally horrible?

When I closed my eyes the only thing I could see was her with his arm around her. I still cant believe that I had lost my best friend and crush of six years, Danny gothic king to the prep queen Evangeline, they have been dating for about six months. I haven’t talked to Danny since they started dating(That is really my fault I refuse to talk to him even though he’s tried to talk to me many times in the last six months.), I miss him a lot. Well enough about them.


As I caught up with my new best friend(No I didn’t just immediately get a new best friend I actually didn’t talk to anyone for a month then I decided I needed to stop being depressed and get on with my life.)Angela. Angela is 5’ 4”, strawberry blonde hair, the complete opposite of me I am 5’ 11”, dark and I mean dark brown hair.


“Hey, so you’re still thinking about him?” she asked concerned by the look on my face





“Yes I am you can’t just expect me to forget about him so quickly!” I snapped.


14 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.


Additional Details


11 minutes ago





“Calm down alright, I know its hard for you, but could you possibly distract yourself by shopping after school?” She asked





“Alright, what time and where do we meet?” I asked distractedly





“Okay how about we meet at the mall at about four?” She asked yawning





“Make it four-fifteen and we’ve got a deal.” I proposed.





“You got it!” she agreed. “Let’s get to lunch.”





“Okay, I’ll meet you there.” I told her.





“Okay, but why?” she inquired.





“Because I need to go by my locker and I really want to go alone.” I explained.” please?”





“Okay I’ll see you there, bye.”





I was walking to my locker with out paying much attention when I run into who else but Danny. Why can’t I pay attention to where I’m going. I scolded myself .


“Oh sorry.” He mumbled.





“Ya I’m sure you are!” I said sarcastically.





“Yes actually I am.” He barked


“Whatever.” I said as I walked away.





“Hey Angel wait I want to talk to you.” He called.


9 minutes ago





“Well to bad I don’t really feel like chatting right now, so I guess you’ll just have to be disappointed.” I said in a bored tone.





“Come on angel.” He pleaded





“No you come on,” I snapped “When you finally realize that your not meant to be a prep OR date one, then you can come talk to me but before then you can forget about ever talking to me! Goodbye.”





“Angel please.” His voice fading as Evangeline walked up beside us. ”please, you know I haven’t change that much come on cant we talk about this.”





“No we can’t talk about this you turned into a prep an that’s all there is to it, I don’t want to talk to you because your not the Danny I know, the Danny I know would never be dating her!” I said with a nod towards Evangeline. I don’t know what he sees in her.


“Hey Danny” she said happily. “Angel” She said with a sour look.”





“Hey Evangeline.” I said with a fake smile. “Bye Danny.”


8 minutes ago





I walked to my locker as quick as I could grabbed my lunch and hurried to the cafeteria. I walked in looking around for Angela and my current boyfriend, Ryan (yes I have a boyfriend.).Ryan is 6’ 1”, black hair, and muscular, Danny on the other hand is 6’ 4”, sandy blonde hair, and muscular. I spotted them at a table in the back, I walked over to the table to find Angela and Ryan laughing.





“So what’s so funny.” I asked





“Oh nothing, you really had to be there to think it was funny.” She answered








“ Okay.” I said happily “ Hey babe how you doin?”





“ I’m fine, what about you, you feeling better?” He asked concerned.





“Yes I’m feeling a lot better.” I said hoping to sound happy.





“No your not, come on now tell me what’s bothering you?”





I should have known he’d see through my charade. “Nothing I just ran into Danny on the way to my locker and we got into it that’s all. Okay?” I said as I sat down





“Ya I guess.” He sighed


7 minutes ago





I sat eating my lunch and listening to Angela and Ryan talk without actually joining the conversation. When I started thinking about my encounter with Danny and whether or not I had overreacted and if I should forgive him, I concluded that I hadn’t and that it was his own fault for dating Evangeline, and becoming a prep.





“Angel, Angel, hey are you Okay?” Angela asked concerned


“huh ya I’m fine, what did you need?” I said coming out of my daze.





“So what do you think of this top?” She said pointing to a picture in a magazine.





“Cute, why?” I said confused





“Because it’s being sold at that new shop Branded.” She explained.





“Oh, does that mean you want to go check it out?” I asked with a sly smile





“Yes it does.” She answered





“So I guess that means I wont see you till seven angel?” Ryan asked sighing





“Yep, sorry but Angela really wants to go shopping after school.” I apologized.





“Hey don’t pin this on me, you want to go shopping to!” Angela interjected.


5 minutes ago





“Well I guess I kinda do, but not really I’m only going to get a belt, shoes, nail polish, a pair of jeans, and a shirt.” I said bored.





“ Oh ya like that’s not a lot, I just want to get this shirt, a pair of jeans, and a new CD.” S


She said yawning. “ Well I got to get to history, bye.”





“ Bye.” Ryan and I said together





“ Come on we got to get to English” I said quietly





“ Okay, come on.” He said grabbing my hand and pulling me towards our class.





We walked in silence to our English class, we then took our usually seats in the back of the classroom. I actually enjoy this class because our teacher treats the school year like a giant game of jeopardy, so if Mrs. Sisnster ask a question you have to answer the question with: What is and then the answer.


“ Angel what type of sentence is this: A pig is like a guy because they keep the places where they live dirty but keep themselves clean?” she asked.





“ Wh…w…what is an analogy?” I stammered.


4 minutes ago





“ Correct!” Mrs. Sinster said with a smile. “ Please try to pay attention angel.”





“ Sorry Mrs. Sinster.” I said quietly





“ Okay then back to the lesson.”





I winced as Ryan elbowed me in the ribs “ouch.” I mouthed “what do you want?”





“ Sorry. What’s the matter?” He mouthed back





“ Nothing, I just want to be left alone please?” I mouthed sadly





“ Ya I’ll leave you alone.” He whispered sounding hurt.


I gave him an apologetic look. I tried to pay attention to the lesson (I found out after about five minutes that it was just a review). The only thing I really even heard was what an idiom was. I am going to fail this class! Mrs. Sisnter is probably going to keep me after class again. I had dozed off so when the bell rang I almost jumped out of my seat.





“ Oh sorry class I guess I lost track of time again, I want a two page essay on what we


reviewed today use your notes it’s what there’re for, due Monday.” Mrs. Sisnster said obviously surprised.


2 minutes ago





I had almost made it out of the classroom thinking wow she didn’t keep me after class! When Mrs. Sinster said “ Angel could you come here for a minute?”





“ Yes Mrs. Sinster, what do you need?”





“ I just thought that maybe you’d like to know that your grade has dropped from a B+ to a D-, can you explain what happened, is something wrong at home?”





I am so going to be late to history “ No nothings wrong at home I just haven’t been concentrating very hard lately I’ll try harder to concentrate in class I promise.”





“ Okay but if your grades don’t start improving I’m going to make a call home, got it?”





“ Yes Mrs. Sisnster.”





“ Okay you should probably get to you’re your next class, here’s a note” She said handing me a slip of paper as I walked out the door and into the hallway.


I walked into my history class about three minutes late. “ Detention Ms. Merlee.”


he said frowning as I took my seat.


1 minute ago





“ Sorry, Mr. Benson but I have a note.” I said handing him the slip of paper





“Okay then, class take out a piece of paper, its note taking time.” taking the slip of paper and putting it on his desk.





“Uhhhhh…” The whole class groaned together.





“ Now that attitude is why half of you are failing.” He said chuckling to himself.





I smiled to my self as I got my notebook out. He thinks he’s funny? I thought baffled





“ Now today we are going to review the first ten amendments, and by review I mean you are going to write all of them down and then write a six page essay about them that is due next Friday.”





Wow six pages he must really be bored if he wants to correct a hundred and eighty, six page essays, well I better get started. I spent an hour writing the first ten amendments and then thinking of some way to put them into a six page essay, lets just say it was a very long period.


36 seconds ago





I walked to the bus stop quietly. Finally some peace and quiet. When I got on the bus there was only one other person riding, and amazingly there was only a total of two people at the other bus stops. Thank God. I got off at my bus stop at about three-thirty to be met by my three dogs. What are they doing out? I called them all and they followed me back to my house I opened the door and my dogs flew past me into the house.





“ Angel is that you honey?” My mom called.





“Yes it is mom, why were the dogs out by the bus stop?” I answered.





“ Oh they probably opened the screened door earlier.” She said sighing.





“ Oh. Is it okay if I go shopping with Angela at about four-fifteen?” I asked patiently.





“ Yep it’s fine with me but you might want to ask your father.” She advised.





“ Okay where is he?” I inquired.





“ I think he’s in the work-out room” She guessed


“ Okay” I said as I walked up the stairs.





“ Dad, can I go shopping with Angela later?” I shouted up the stairs


0 seconds ago





“ You can if you clean your room and take out the garbage before you go.”





“Okay dad.” I said as I walked into my room and checked the clock it said three-forty-five Okay I’ve got thirty minutes to clean my room.

Is this like totally horrible?
I'm not a very good writer, i'm a painter but i think that by looking at different areas of the arts you can improve the way you do another.





Imagine that a normal book is like a normal painting, it presents everything as you would see it. There's a man, he looks like a man, in a house that looks like a house.


Now when photography came along this exact image was not required and people moved on to do different things, Van Gogh, Picasso etc. There was no need to spend hours painting something you could take with a camera in a couple of seconds.





So people started to play with what they were doing. Literature has also managed to go through this. Getting rid of cronological order, chaging perspectives and things like this.





It may not be your cup of tea, but it might be an idea playing around with things. I am currently having to read Katz und Maus (cat and mouse) from gunter grass, he has a narrator but he makes it clear that the narrator is probably lying to us, misusing information, not telling all of the truth.


There are many other things you can do with a narrator that can make a book less obvious as to how it is going to turn out.





You start with "I" and make it clear that you are the narrator, maybe it is an idea to hide this fact. Or use a few narrators, without telling the reader who is who but changing the style of writing. So one could always think about one thing, while another looks at it in another way.


Have a scene where something happens, then have a different narrator talk breifly about this scene but saying that someone else carried out a certain act.





It's not always easy, and maybe it isn't what you want to do, but they are ideas and knowledge is power!!!
Reply:lol u dont have nothing to do,
Reply:so you like wrote this, right? K, u should have specified that. and you want an honest opinion? well ok then. here goes.


its mundane. its obvious how its going to end. This Angel and Danny will end up together, but not before they go through some hardship. This Evangiline will be publicly humilaited, and all will end well. sorry if this head on, but its pretty obvious
Reply:I really like it except you need to change one thing when you bring in a new charecter dont tell us all about them just the important stuff like you dont have to metion their height but other than that I loved it.
Reply:no its great!


unlike your mom under the sheets....
Reply:It sounds like it was all true. It's a good one.



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